one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm too high and old for this...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
