Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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