I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ugly people sure do ruin things
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
