just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
