I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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