I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
