Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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