a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
