Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
