well you can't waste a boner
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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