I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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