I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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