What a fucking waste of an outfit
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
