Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize