CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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