We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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