did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
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