omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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