Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
