would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
