is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
