do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
