what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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