I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
