I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
