She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
