Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
