She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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