just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
