Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my shit smells like andre
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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