I want to make a zoo with you.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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