the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
