How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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