I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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