Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
