a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
