so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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