i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We just shotgunned beers for America
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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