please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
