her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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