I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
