am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
