so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
