In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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