I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
