is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You brought string cheese to the strip club
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
