I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
