His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
