dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
