i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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