I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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