My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
