i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
