i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
