Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
