You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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