My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
