apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
