My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
